Tinder Bots


Tinder Bots
And you bring up all those bitter memories of Becky the Bot, the Terminator…

Shigeto – Perfect Crime

In the beginning it was so obvious. Fucking Tinder Bots, you’d mumble looking at their profile. They had only two photos of them in lingerie and their bio would say I just want to meet a boy to fuck or perhaps the more subtle route of I’m looking for someone to play with. This wasn’t a real girl, I mean you know in real life women are the true perverts but not to the general public just to the asshole that can bring it out in her.

Still you’d swipe right and think maybe just maybe it’s a real girl. You’d match right away which was another sign she was just a bot. You wouldn’t say anything and after an hour of silence she’d send you the link of her webcam or her dirty pics. You used to be able to say anything to them afterwards and they’d sit in silence, saying nothing but never unmatching you.

The bots now though? They’re regular looking girls. Some of them are very attractive others are just plain and pretty. They have silly girl quotes on their bios or even have full on bios. Now instead of straight for the kill with a link for their first message they engage you in conversation. They give you a phone number to text and then they text you the link to their dirty pics or cams. Maybe they are real girls and they’re just looking to pay the bills with their bodies. Maybe they’re not robots at all.

But they give away these subtle hints that they’re bots. Capitalizing all the letters in your name or saying something that’s just a little off. You reply with “You a bot? You gotta tell me if you’re a bot,” because the same rules of entrapment apply to robots on the internet as they do to cops out in the general public. Except it’s all a myth and robots don’t have to tell you, neither do cops. Yet now, the robot, when called out before giving their link, unmatches you.

Since when did they do that? You thought these bots were just stealing girls profiles but now you wonder if these girls are being paid to be the middle man to the bots. It’s not enough to never reply to a message but now you’re working for the bots? Oh, we see where you females align yourself in the robot revolution. When the robots come for us there will be no females in your survival team. They’ve pledged their allegiance already.

Then again maybe this girl isn’t a bot. Perhaps it was a real girl who you just insulted by calling her a bot. Perhaps she had braces on her teeth, braces on her legs and had to wear a scoliosis back brace in grade school.  She was an ugly duckling back then but it’s all behind her now. She’s finally beautiful and moved away from her childhood town and no one knows what the kids used to call her in the lunch room in the nineties. But you, some stranger on the internet do. And you bring up all those bitter memories of Becky the Bot, the Terminator.

It was her first time on Tinder, you were her first boy she matched. She’s nervous, accidentally hits the caps lock when typing your name and the first thing you ask her is if she’s a bot. She has a nervous breakdown and unmatches you but it’s not enough as the repressed memories start to surface. She deletes Tinder berating herself how she could ever be so stupid.

She’ll never be beautiful she’ll always be Becky the Bot. She stops showing up to work, stops exercising and practicing good hygiene. Soon her clean, white, straight smile has turned green, moldy and crooked. Her face she took so good care of turn’s oily, acne and boiled ridden. She is not beautiful anymore and her life is ruined. All because you had to call her a bot. What is wrong with you?

No, no, no, the bitch was a bot. They all were really, just little photos floating around the web, avatars that were as revealing as their real life personalities. They just wanted to be entertained by you, make em’ laugh and make em’ feel beautiful for a moment before they move on to the next one…



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