The St. Louis Tinder Blues (The Window)

The most common St. Louis question: Where did you go to high school? Who gives a fuck? But that was the culture here...
The most common St. Louis question: Where did you go to high school? Who gives a fuck? But that was the culture here…

She unmatched you already, that was quick. In an hour you were supposed to be meeting for drinks but I guess that’s not happening anymore. The fucking window. Twenty four hours or less but it seemed the opening had gotten smaller.

It didn’t matter how many times it happened. You had grown detached from it all but still you were always surprised. The first time you think her name was April or something. She had a fashion blog, wasn’t your style but perhaps people read it. She looked sweet, caring and normal. She didn’t look or sound crazy so you set up a date to check out a 100 year old birthday bash for St. Louis’ own William S. Burroughs. You showed up wondering if you’d be able to recognize her. You looked for someone to recognize you but there was no one looking for you.

It seemed so strange to you. You had agreed on a time and date. You had never been stood up before but then again you had never set up dates through a fucking phone app. What if you had been talking to a robot the whole time? Don’t be ridiculous. It was your first three weeks on Tinder and you were a newb. You shot her a text saying you were bummed she didn’t show up and whether it would be in vain to reschedule. You’d figure she wouldn’t reply or tell you how she got caught up in something. Instead she unleashed the hounds on you.

St. Louis Tinder
Just another day fighting off the St. Louis Tinder Blues

It was like the Movie the Ring the girl crawling out of your phone but she’s also screaming at you. Fuck! It’s not like you called her a bitch or anything. In fact you thought your message was quite civilized. So shouldn’t you be the one yelling? She stood you up? You found it almost humorous how vile she got with you. You didn’t even have time to reply to her before she blocked you. Strange, you thought.

It took you a while before you learned that in St. Louis flaking was more common than an actual date from Tinder. St. Louis is a smaller market than other cities thus changing the aspect of Tinder. Everyone knows everyone or knows mutual friends of yours.  The most common St. Louis question: Where did you go to high school? Who gives a fuck? But that was the culture here.

These homegrown girls they were imbedded in the culture. They lived in the same places and had the same friends they had growing up. Tinder for them was just scoring points for their egos. They had their social crowds and they didn’t need to find new people. They just couldn’t say no to validation. Most of them never said a word on Tinder. Still if you were attractive enough, got their attention and could entertain em’ you could set up a date. Then you had a window.

You could set up a date. Then you had a window...
You could set up a date. Then you had a window…

The window was twenty four hours to meet up with them. Females base their decision on emotions and after twenty four hours any of them you stirred are lost in cyber space forever. The only proof she was interested is stored away in some NSA database. Even then there is twenty four hours for her St. Louis friends to talk/slut shame her out of it. If you could just get the two of you together in physical reality the hard part would be over but you had to get through the window.

What makes it worse was there was nothing you could do to combat the window. If the date was set you could only hope and wait. You couldn’t stop her friends, you couldn’t stop her from having a shitty day, and you had to accept this, nothing was in your control. You would go about your day thinking you have a date that night but as the hours start to dwindle, deep down inside you knew she was going to cancel.

She doesn’t kill it with one message. She instead starts to give you hints a couple hours before how she’s not going to make it. She tells you work went late, she’s only now getting to the gym and blah blah bad day and what not. If she tries to reschedule you know you’ll never meet up. Her memory of you is an avatar in an app. There is no physical memory and you’ll grow fainter by the hour in her mind. Yet, you can’t try to convince her to come out it will only make you seem desperate which will dry her loins up quicker than sand. You’re walking a tightrope against high winds so you just tell her you’ll see her at nine.

Then she’ll send the message, “I think I’m just going to stay in tonight.” No apology, no mention of rescheduling. The window had been slammed down on your dick. How do you respond? Do you rebuttal, I mean after all she did say “I think,”? Then you’ll come off as too pushy and aggressive. You only are because you know you have to see her tonight or else the window closes forever. What else can you do? Perhaps if you offer another day she’ll accept but you know she’ll just back out of that one too.

It was your day off tomorrow, you just wanted to go out. Have the company of a female, some simple human interaction. Maybe it led to fucking but it didn’t have to be that night. If you wanted sex you had other people for that. The chance of new pussy is so alluring you don’t care if it takes a couple dates because you know you’ll get it, that’s never the problem. Perhaps this chick was going to actually be a girl who could hold a conversation, make you laugh for a change, and actually be sexy too. Just someone new to meet and yeah it would eventually lead to fucking but just someone new…

You sent the rebuttal but made it a joke so it wouldn’t seem so aggressive. Nothing, she unmatched you on Tinder but kept you as a Facebook friend, probably an addict of Facebook Likes.

St. Louis didn’t like new, they liked their high school friends. It was St. Louis, what could you do? This wasn’t New York where your twin lived. Oh the possibilities of Tinder in New York! Millions of girls and most of them have moved away from their hometowns. There were new ones every day. In big cities like that everyone is a stranger. Tinder makes sense when you aren’t surrounded by childhood friends. Everyone just looking for human interaction and sure it led to fucking but still human interaction. That’s all you wanted. If you want my advice on how to up your game in Tinder, move to a bigger city…




    • AD says

      Haha yes indeed. A waste of time. I tried it out out of mere curiosity. The time and effort to go on a date with a girl who might not even look like her picture was sinful. Plus the only conversation that works on there is playing the part of the clown. I don’t have time for games

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